What is Relationship Survival Mode?
Our nervous system is designed to protect us from harm, both physical and emotional. When it comes to relationships, if things feel stuck or strained, it might be because your nervous system is in overdrive, trying to shield you from emotional pain. Here’s a closer look at how this system works and how it can trap us in “relationship survival mode.”
Survival Mechanisms: Fight, Flight, Freeze
Physical Threat = Physical Hurt
Imagine you’re hiking and suddenly encounter a snake on the trail. Your immediate reaction might be to:
- FIGHT: Make noise or take a confrontational stance to scare the snake away.
- FLIGHT: Quickly leave the area to avoid the snake.
- FREEZE: Stand still and wait for the snake to move before continuing.
In this scenario, the snake hasn’t acted aggressively, but just its presence triggers your nervous system’s protective responses.
Emotional Threat = Emotional Hurt
Now, picture a situation where you see a customer yelling at a store employee. Your possible reactions might be:
- FIGHT: Confront the customer and ask them to stop.
- FLIGHT: Decide it’s not worth it and leave the store.
- FREEZE: Wait quietly until the situation calms down before continuing your shopping.
Here, even though you’re not directly involved, the emotional tension triggers your protective mechanisms.
Understanding Relationship Survival Mode
The New Fight, Flight, Freeze: Flood, Leave, Avoid
Consider this: You’re feeling overwhelmed by a messy kitchen, while your partner is relaxing. Your reactions might include:
- FLOOD: Vent your frustrations all at once, expressing how overwhelmed you are and listing everything that needs to be done.
- LEAVE: Decide that you deserve better and consider ending the relationship.
- AVOID: Say nothing and pretend everything is fine.
Why Understanding Relationship Survival Mode Matters
Recognizing relationship survival mode is crucial because it influences how we react and interact in relationships. These reactions can trap us in negative emotional patterns that harm our connections. To make positive changes, we first need to understand our needs, feelings, and emotions. This understanding helps us create a supportive and safe emotional environment for both ourselves and our partners.
Stay tuned for our next article, where we’ll delve into understanding emotional needs. CLICK HERE to explore emotional needs.
Thank you for reading! We hope you found this information helpful.
Useful Links
Read more about fight, flight, freeze here – https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/fight-flight-freeze